Jeeps: America's Largest Cult

 Picture this.. 

You conquered your fears walked into the DMV palms sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy and got your license. 16 year old you is about to get so many bad bittys now that you've broken the chains of your parent's grasp. You get home your mom posts a picture of your new loaded weapon and you are a feather in the wind. 

Now comes the tough part you've got your ticket to ride, but what shall be your mighty stead? You have been working hard baggin groceries or baggin old ladies so you've got a little dough in your pocket. Plus you didn't tell your mom about dad's secretary working from all fours, so you know you can milk that teet. You get to the dealers and there she is. A black 4x4 American made Wrangler. Even the name sounds like Bruce Springsteen and the 4th of July had a baby. This is it. All of your hard work paid off and you get an amazing automobile.

WRONG! What you really get is a front row ticket in AMERICA'S LARGEST CULT. 

Jeep owners make up a collective mind all feeding into the culture that is a Jeep owner. They are selective, abrasive, and more importantly DEADLY. Have you ever seen a "Its a Jetta thing" t-shirt? How about a man cave dedicated to the wonderfully reliable Toyota? NO. That's because Jeep is a front for a much more sinister plan. A plot that will one day unfold and only Jeep owners know it. Lead by a mysterious figure head they wait in the shadows devising their scheme until they have the resources and man power to unleash their full potential. 

What is that you may ask? Only those with the knowledge know. But I will tell you one thing get the hell out of the way because one day, probably soon with they way the world has been going. They are going to rise up Jorts and "<-This Guy Loves Wranglers" blazing to take over life as you know it. Our lives will be run by people who don't know how to survive when it rains! People who "Like to take the dirt road home" LITERALLY! People who can't just let their car be a god damn car. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT AMERICA

All you young impressionable minds out there BEWARE, once you enter a deadly cult there is little to no escape. Buy a got damn truck if you want the 4x4 or for the love of god, buy a lightly used Toyota Solara if you want to throw the top down. It's not too late to flip the tables and take back our country. 

*Paid for by a Jeepless America Committee*


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